The other day I had someone greet me with a gentle hello. Then he put his hand on my arm, leaned in, made eye contact and whispered earnestly, “How are you doing? Are you doing ok?”
I could have been reading into it, but the question seemed weightier than a casual “Hey, how are you doing?” This person, who I don’t know very well and have never talked to at any great length, seemed genuinely concerned about me.
He was sincere and it was sweet, but it triggered something in me.
It made me realize that because I have shared my struggles with depression openly there are going to be people, for whom, it is their first thought when they see me. It’s only natural. If their only frame of reference for me is through my blogs or what I have shared in a talk then it makes perfect sense.
But it bothers me. It bothers me that they may not have the whole picture of who I am. I worry that they may define me by my depression.
But it only bothers me for a moment because I have come a long way in letting go of what someone thinks of me. If I could completely let go then it wouldn’t bother me at all even for a moment.
Life is a series of crossroads. There are forks in the road.
Some time ago I came to one where the signpost pointing in one direction had a warning sign next to it that said “Vulnerability Ahead.” The signpost pointing in the other direction had no warning sign, assuring me that it was probably the emotionally safer route to choose.
I chose the path laden with vulnerability. As a result, others may form a perception of who I am based on some of the things I share publicly.
Vulnerability is the uncomfortable byproduct of being open with your life. I have allowed people a window into what was previously a very private struggle, not to gain pity, but in an effort to help someone else not feel alone.
That is my payoff ~ knowing that sharing helps someone else. It’s not really as noble as it may seem. I get something out of it too: a sense of purpose.
How about you? Are you afraid that by sharing part of yourself, others will look at you differently? In the big picture, does it matter?
February 17, 2014 at 10:49 am
This past week I spoke at two services at the church. It was not comfortable at all…. I had been tucked away for over a year and this week I shared why, and what I have been up too. Most thought I was living the dream at Kiddy Up. This week those people found out, I was not Tammy Farris pastors wife and founder of Kiddy Up. They found found out I was Tammy Farris co dependent, addict to anger, sister, daughter and grand daughter of alcoholics. Sunday they discovered I struggled being a step parent and went through a divorce and once failed at marriage.
The enemy tried to tell me I would be looked at differently because of it. Well putting him back to hell where he belongs… God insured me there was freedom in truth. How awesome Tracey we get to be exactly who we are and not be shackled by the things that once help us captive! How awesome that we get to celebrate us and what God has done through us. Love you and thank you for being YOU !
February 17, 2014 at 10:55 am
Tammy, I can’t wait to watch the service – vulnerability loves company lol!! I am so proud of you. Having shown up at the end of service I was able to hear the immediate result of you sharing…lives were touched! I know healing began for people through your testimony and that makes it all worth it. I love you and thank YOU for being YOU!
February 17, 2014 at 10:58 am
Tracey your openness and vulnerability is what I truly admire most about you. I know there is a ton more to you or anyone, but years ago I too chose to shed my “mask” and to live with an open heart and an exposed soul. Has it been a good decision, I think so, and in the end what only matters is what we think about who we are and what God thinks. Keep on sharing….there are many out there that appreciate your honesty and candor and one never knows how what one says or writes may touch another in incredible ways. You go girl, just be exactly like you are.
February 17, 2014 at 11:13 pm
Thank you Marty!! xo
February 21, 2014 at 7:07 pm
Ditto!!!!
February 17, 2014 at 9:29 pm
I was married to a muslim and suffered tremendously for several years. I do share my story at times, but its not a 1 minute testimony. It changed my life forever and I know when i share it , it touches peoples lives . I have not “put it out there” for the entire world to see , I just tell it as the Lord leads and I know some people look at me different then they did before – and thats o.k. It wasn’t pretty- and I can’t lie. But Jesus met me in a place where no human could go- he redeemed my life- he set me free. There is no place too dark that Jesus can not reach down, touch your heart, change your mind, and set you free; all in an instant. would I shout my story from the roof tops to save 1 soul from hell? oh yes i would!
Tracey, I think people need to know who they are dealing with. Being open with your life allows others to open up and tell their story(like i just did-) sometimes we bury things because we think everyone has a perfect life- on the outside everything looks so wonderful- if everyone is doing so great ,what is the matter with me? I don’t want to trouble them with my problem. I love your blog, your story, your life. This makes me say” I am not alone”. I love who you are and all you stand for.
February 17, 2014 at 10:45 pm
Thanks Penny! I like what you said about sharing as the Lord leads. I don’t think everyone is called to share in such a public way. Sometimes it is one-on-one openness that is even more effective. And the other thing that comes into play is timing. Everything is beautiful in it’s proper timing. The key is being willing to be open if and when He leads. Thanks for sharing!! xo
February 18, 2014 at 3:36 pm
This is so dead freaking on!
Christian Farris | Lead Pastor
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