Last night my husband asked me if we could have a coffee date at Panera this morning to start off our Anniversary day. After sitting across from him and feeling all warm and fuzzy because his green eyes still make my heart melt after all these years, I posted a comment on Facebook about him being “the most loving, patient handsome man in the world,” to which I got an overwhelming response of well-wishers ~ so sweet!
I also got a private message that reminded me that not everyone’s experience in marriage is as happy.
I met a man the other day that was commending me on the length of my marriage and said, “Wow you must have a lot in common.” Although Danny and I do have a lot in common, there are many more ways that we are different. Having things in common is not the reason we are still together.
Danny and I both come from backgrounds where our parents were divorced. That is our history. We made a decision going into our marriage that that would not be our story and that we would stop that cycle in our generation. It is that decision that we have fallen back on on the days that his green eyes were not making me melt or when his patience was being seriously tried by me.
The reason that our marriage works and I believe the reason that our love grows is simply because we have made God the center of it. When an issue comes up and trust me we have issues …we are both committed to going to the word of God to see what it says and we use that as a guide to direct how we handle the situation. More times than not it requires dying to our own selfish desires in order to put the other person first and it almost always requires forgiveness on one or both parts that comes only from God. We are two imperfect people trying hard to live up to God’s standards, failing miserably at times but offering grace (not always immediately!) to each other when we do. The day that either one of us stops doing this we are in serious trouble. Marriage is fragile – we know that and we guard it fiercely.
I would have to write a book in order to record all that we’ve learned in 27 years and although we are not the starry eyed 20 year olds that took our vows that rainy day in 1985, our love is deeper and stronger than it was then and it grows more every year.
It breaks my heart that this is not the story of every married couple and I know the only reason that it works for us is because we both share the same resolve. I have watched many people that I love dearly and respect tremendously try to fight for their marriage by themselves but it takes both parties being fully committed. I wish I had the answer of how to make that happen. What I do know is that even when things fall apart God heals and restores!
I thank God every day for the beautiful gift that He has given me in my marriage. It is my greatest earthly treasure (including my amazing children who are part of the package deal) but I also know without Him we’d be a mess!
June 8, 2012 at 4:21 pm
I love this soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!
June 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Such a wonderful piece Tracey ..you are wise beyond your years. May you have many more moments of love and joy! Love always, Marty
June 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm
Loved reading your blog. This is the first one I’ve read and subscribed to read more. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and heart.
June 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Awesome thoughts, Tracey–I could “ditto” many of them:). Don’t know where Tim and I would be right now had it not been for our Lord and His wise counsel. Pretty sure we wouldn’t be celebrating our 33rd in a week.
I’m actually getting ready to go to my niece’s wedding and have the privilege of reading God’s Word in the ceremony–1st Corinthians 13–which is why the title of your blog caught my eye today. I’m trusting in the truth that His Word does not go out void–and especially for today’s newly-to-be-wed Megan Dalbey and Jason Steffen.
PS–It’s so great to share the same anniversary month with our kids:)
June 12, 2012 at 10:26 am
Wow you are amazing. I am soooo blessed that God allowed our paths to cross in NY at Extreme Makeover….Praise god! Workin on bringing several ladies to your conference in October.