Grieving the loss of someone you love is painful. Understatement, I know. The word grief conjures up images of heartbreak, crying and sadness. It can be a dark place where memories haunt and regrets taunt. But then mixed in is bittersweet joy as you recall sweet and happy times and you can feel their presence with you as if they were sitting right next to you. Grieving brings on a roller coaster of emotions without a lot of advance notice of the next dip or turn.
I found myself experiencing all of that this past weekend as we celebrated the life of my mom who died almost 2 weeks ago. My mom had a car accident in 1991 and was severely brain injured. She has been incapacitated for the past 21 years unable to eat, speak, or move her body with the exception of one arm. It has been an extended grieving process for those of us who love her. We have been preparing to let go for a very long time but when the final goodbye came, we realized that no matter how long you have to prepare you are never really ready.
What helped tremendously was having a ceremony. We organized a memorial – a celebration of her life. Our family gathered together and cried and laughed and went though pictures and told stories. Some precious friends that didn’t know my mom came out of love for us and said they left feeling like they knew her which warmed our hearts. Her grandchildren, most of whom weren’t born before her accident, got to hear and learn things about her that they didn’t know. We celebrated her legacy which I will write about soon. And it was good. Really good.
Woven through the sadness was joy. I realized how important it is to allow yourself to just be with the pain when you are feeling it, and allow yourself to grieve. At first I kept trying to rise above it but it wasn’t working. Once I really allowed myself to feel it, I was able to release it and move forward.
Right after my mom’s accident Psalm 27:13 brought me such comfort and I am now relying on it’s truth once again.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
I will see her again. In the land of the living. And although there is grief, there is also great joy in knowing that she is finally free and whole! It is comforting to know that I will carry her love and spirit with me until we meet again.
September 24, 2012 at 11:45 am
Beautiful Tracey. And a gorgeous picture.
September 24, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Beautifully written truth Tracey. I am watching my mom’s disease rob her of life. So many mixed emotions and no way around them. What a day it will be when we are all whole & in His presence. My prayers are with you. Janine
September 24, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Tracey, absolutley lovely!
September 24, 2012 at 3:03 pm
The memorial to celebrate her life was so beautiful! I didn’t know her, but the stories about her impacted me and I was able to share them with my girls. She was beautiful inside and out!
September 24, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Thank you friends! Janine~ sorry to hear about your mom. I will be praying for you. Having just been through it I can really relate. Love you!
September 25, 2012 at 4:54 am
Tracey , Thank you for sharing your precious Mother with us! What a life and testimony for our Lord. As your Mother is now with our Lord, I believe she is looking down on all her daughters and love ones and seeing her legacy being carried out! Love and prayers.
September 25, 2012 at 3:24 pm
All I can say right now is thank you for sharing…..the pain of losing my mom
is so overwhelming and we will be having her memorial Oct 6.
September 25, 2012 at 5:18 pm
Jaclyn,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing. I will be praying for you as you prepare for Oct 6th. For me, leading up to the day was a lot worse than the actual day of the service. On that day I felt so relieved to be able to honor her and share her memory with others. There is something about the ceremony that brings closure and although in these days following I am being careful not to take too much on, I am finding that I am doing a lot better than I was last week. Praying it goes well.
Tracey