Posts by traceymetzger

Last month a bunch of us made 5 resolutions. If you weren’t with us feel free to jump in now.  You can review them here.  This week I am blogging on Resolution #1 which is:  
I resolve to see myself as God sees me. 

One of the biggest obstacles to overcome in order to keep this resolution is the temptation to compare ourselves to other people.  This temptation exists for men and women alike, however, in the realm of comparing physical appearance and measuring beauty I don’t think anyone could argue the fact that women have it way worse. We are bombarded with an endless stream of images and messages luring us to measure our worth by what we look like.  So let’s all feel sorry for ourselves for a second.

Ok that’s it…now let’s get over it and fight to keep ourselves from falling prey to it.
The onslaught is not going to end anytime soon so…

Let’s stop buying into it.  (we could make that Resolution #1a !)

 “God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”   1 Samuel 16:7

In context, God was correcting Samuel’s thinking.  I need that sometimes ~ a little readjustment of my thinking. Samuel was trying to figure out who God’s anointed one was based on looks and physical ability alone.  But God had chosen David because of his heart. He was described as a brave man, a warrior who chose his words well.  A man after God’s heart.  He also happened to be handsome but it’s interesting that God went out of his way to point out that it did not factor into His decision to choose him as His anointed one.

I love that David was chosen for his heart and yet this same man wrote the Psalm that cried out,

“Create in me a new heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me” Psalm 51:10

That Psalm was written out of David’s brokenness from making a mess of things and succumbing to temptation.  But the good news that everyone needs to hear is in Psalm 51:17.  The word tells us that God will not despise a broken and contrite heart.

God sees straight through to your heart and no matter what condition it is in, if your desire is for it to be clean, He will wash it white as snow.  Now that is beautiful.

Some days I wake up feeling strong.  I love those days! But other days I feel…, well…, not so convinced.  Some days no matter how I try to push through and put on the full armor of God I just feel like this..

girl warrior

Overdressed in a clunky outfit!

When God told Gideon that He was going to use him to save Israel, He told him to go in the strength that he had and then he said these five words…”I will be with you.”

Those five words make all the difference in the world.  It is the difference between operating solely in our own strength and operating with whatever strength we have and allowing God to add His strength to ours. 

There is an old song by Twila Paris called The Warrior is a Child

It goes like this…

Lately I’ve been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I’m amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don’t see inside of me
I’m hiding all the tears
They don’t know… that I go running home when I fall down
They don’t know… who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
‘Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

I think we all feel like that child at times.  No matter how strong you appear on the outside. But He is right there with you.

And THIS is how He sees you!
You ~ the Warrior

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power. Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.”  Ephesians 6: 10-13

Well, we are 2 months into the new year and usually by now I have long forgotten my resolutions or have chosen to block them out of my mind if they had anything to do with diet or exercise!  But this year is different.  This year I made some resolutions at our first GNO of the year (along with some of you) that I am trying hard to keep top of mind.  
At our kickoff event for FTGI this year I challenged everyone attending to make 5 resolutions for this year that will keep us moving towards our dreams and will help us to live a fulfilling and successful life. I would love to extend that challenge to anyone reading that may not have attended and encourage you to come on this journey with us.  At the end of the evening last month we each made these declarations….
1. I resolve to see myself as God sees me
2. I resolve to lighten up! 
3. I resolve to refuse to settle.
4. I resolve to be fearless 
5. I resolve to never give up!
The message of the evening was inspired by the story of Gideon.  I have spent a lot of time entrenched in his story because I can relate to him on so many levels. When we are introduced to Gideon in Judges 6:11 we find Gideon threshing wheat in a wine press.  He was trying to stay hidden because his tribe was under constant attack.  He was not able to do his job in the normal way because if he did he would be an open target for his enemies.  
Have you ever been there?  You have a job to do (one you thought God asked you to do) but circumstances just keep making it more and more difficult to accomplish!   I have definitely been there.  I remember even recently having a little bit of an attitude with God ( I know that’s shocking) because I was trying to carry out a task I knew He had called me to do but it seemed like all the powers in the universe were coming against it making it more and more difficult.  I just felt like giving up.  I knew it was not ultimately what I wanted to be doing forever but I did believe that it was what He was asking me to do in that season.  So I found myself asking…”if I am here, doing what you clearly told me I should be doing then why is it SO hard?” (hence, the attitude)  But reading Gideon’s story encouraged me.   I don’t want to read into the text too much but I find it interesting that it was during Gideon’s time of persistence under persecution that the angel of the Lord showed up out of nowhere.
There, in the drudgery of the work at hand…work I’m sure he didn’t feel like was his ultimate calling in life…work that he probably would have traded places with anyone for… there, in that place of faithful persistence God finds him.  But here’s the thing.  God did not just accidentally stumble upon him.  He actually saw him all along.  I believe that God was developing character in him that would sustain him for the much larger assignment God had for him.  It is often during those character proving times of hardship that God is preparing you for a bigger assignment.  But we want to just get through it as fast as we can.  I know I do.  
But the angel of the Lord showed up and when he addressed Gideon he said, “The Lord is with you mighty warrior.”  MIGHTY WARRIOR? Gideon must have looked around as if to say, “Are you talking to me?” Gideon did not see himself as a mighty warrior.  In fact he let the angel know that he was, in fact, the weakest in his clan and not only that…his clan is the weakest of all the clans.  The weakest of the weak!  And yet God saw something that Gideon himself could not see.  God knew the plans He had for Gideon.  He knew that His power would be perfected in Gideon’s weakness.  
So Gideon had to start seeing himself as God saw him.  If he continued seeing himself with his own eyes he would see only his weakness, his fragility and his faults.  He would never have been able to accomplish the big assignment that was waiting for him.  And the salvation of a nation depended on it.  
It is so important for you to start seeing yourself as God sees you not only for your sake but for the sake of the lives that you will impact when you are living the life you were created to live.  
For the next few weeks I would love to have the privilege of encouraging you on your journey to live by these resolutions.  I’m going to take one resolution a week and expound on them and see where it takes us…
I would love to interact with you so feel free to leave your comments.
Lots of love fellow warriors!!
The angel of the LORD came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.”
Judges 6:11-12      
As a child I used to get in trouble in school for daydreaming. I often heard things like, “Earth to Tracey” or “Hellooooo???” in an effort to get my attention that had wandered out the window.  I remember during gym class being in the outfield of a kickball game and my classmates being mad at me because I missed the ball.  I was in an “outfield” of my own!  Daydreamers often get labeled as “flighty” or “drifty”.  I was affectionately nicknamed “Spacey Tracey” because my mind was often off dreaming instead of attending to the task at hand.  

My “spaciness” or absentmindedness has carried over to adulthood and is often a nuisance because it results in lost car keys among other things and sometimes lost time but I have learned to embrace it.

If you can’t dream it, you can’t have it! 

One particular daydreaming episode involved my hubby.  I was in 10th grade and the marching band was rehearsing outside my French class window.  They were playing “Laughter in the rain” by Neil Sedaka (hey – it was 1981 ok?) Anyway, I had a serious crush on my now husband and remember my mind dancing right out the window following the notes of the band and envisioning him and I holding hands and laughing in the rain, getting married and having wonderful children.  You can laugh all you want but 26 1/2 years later here we are!!  And I keep dreaming.  Dreaming of him and I surrounded by our happy children and grandchildren to come all living out the lives God intended for them.  It’s more than daydreaming to me – it’s vision.  And keeping that vision in front of me has given me perspective during the not so fun times.  It reminds me of the big picture and what I am working towards.

On the other hand I am very aware that not every dream comes true.  I had a dream in my younger years of gathering at my mother’s house on Sundays for dinner with all the family around and lots of laughter and love. But life stole that dream.  So here’s what I had to do.

I dreamed another dream.

I remember one particular Mother’s Day feeling a little sorry for myself but knowing that I couldn’t stay in that place. It’s an ugly place to be. I made a decision that since I couldn’t experience those family dinners from the perspective of me going to my mom’s house that I would dream a new dream.  A dream where my family would gather at my house and there would be lots of laughter and love. I decided to treasure the memories of my time with my mom but to continue making new ones.

This past Christmas trying to serve 24+ people at my Christmas dinner table and the volume at crazy decibels I had to remind myself… You dreamed this! And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

What I love about living this life of faith is that God continually plants new dreams inside of us.  These days I dream of ways to spread the message that I believe everyone needs to hear.  The message that there is a God that loves them and sees them and is for them not against them and is just waiting to make their dreams come true. 

Well this blog definitely went in a different direction than I intended it to but I am going to go with it and believe that someone needed that encouragement today.

Take some time out today to dream a little.  If a dream has died – dream a new one today!

As always, I’d love to hear from you.  Sometimes speaking a dream out loud is the very first step towards it becoming a reality…so what are you dreaming??

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.
Psalm 37:4
Have you ever been thinking about someone and then the very next day you bump into them or someone mentions them in conversation?  It’s so weird when that happens and many times we will say, “What a coincidence!”  But I think there are a lot fewer coincidences than we may imagine.  I could easily be accused of over-spiritualizing things but I really truly believe that those coincidences are God speaking. 
Sometimes when I tell someone of how God “spoke” to me on a particular subject their response will be, “I wish he would speak to me like that.”  It would be fun to think that I am special (well, I am – but so are you!!) and the truth is God speaks to every one of us. Many times it is a matter of tuning in. 
Did you ever notice that when you get a new car all of the sudden you see that make and model and even color car everywhere.  I never ever noticed white Grand Ams on the road until I got one.
Once you condition yourself to recognize the coincidences in your life as the voice of God you will hear Him more and more. 
I’ll tell you why this is on my mind.  I’ve had a few too many “coincidences” lately to write them off.  In January FTGI is rolling out a mentorship program called SHINE.  We will have ShineGIRL for young girls and ShineWomen for adults.  Anyway, everytime we start a new venture or program I am always praying to make sure that we are on the right road.  So the other day I was standing on line at the pharmacy at Publix and there was a little pamphlet (I don’t even know what it was for) and it said right across the top in bold letters — SHINE!  It made me smile to myself.  Someone else might think I was reaching, but I took it as a little nod from heaven.
Then a few days later I was on a plane flipping through a magazine and there was a full page ad for Heidi Klum’s new fragrance —SHINE!
Last Wednesday my brother and I went to see a Broadway play while I was in New York. When we entered the theater I looked over at the merchandise and there was a shirt with big letters in glitter —SHINE!  The second song of the play was SHINE and pretty much the overall message was that “You can shine!”
Coincidence, I don’t think so. 
Here’s the thing.  Psalm 139 says (and I’m paraphrasing here) that He knows when we sleep and when we rise, He knows our thoughts, He knows our comings in and our goings out, we cannot get away from His prescence…no matter where we go, what we do, who we hang out with…He is right there. 
And if we believe that He directs our steps then why is it hard to believe that He would plant things along our path to communicate with us?  If you get the chance today read Psalm 139 and realize how completely tuned into you He is! It’s like putting a warm cozy blanket of His love around you to wear as you go about your day. (I guess it would be awkward to wear a blanket all day…unless you are just hanging out on the couch all day…which sounds like fun..but you get what I’m saying…)
Look for His subtle messages!  I would love to hear about “coincidences” that you have had! Post a comment!
Have a great day and stay sane during this busy holiday season…on my way out to brave the mall! Pray for me 😉

On Saturday my daughter, my niece and I went to pick out a Christmas tree. Just before we went into the outdoor tent I got a phone call from mom’s sister. She told me that my mom was ok but she had slipped when they were moving her from her chair to her bed and had hit her head as she fell to the ground. In case you are reading this and you don’t know this already, my mom suffered a traumatic brain injury 20 years ago in a car accident. She lives in a nursing home and is unable to move herself except for the use of her left arm. She is also unable to eat and although she is trying hard and is managing a few words here and there she can’t speak either. To add insult to injury the gash was right in the same area as the shunt that was placed in her head right after the accident.  So they had to call in a surgeon to take a look at the damage the fall may have caused. He was on his way to the hospital on a Saturday night to do emergency surgery. 

Not exactly what I had planned for the evening. There was nothing I could do but wait for the updates so the girls and I went about picking out a tree and I tried my best to engage in the festivities although I was definitely preoccupied.

I was comforted to know that I had an upcoming visit to see my mom planned for a few days later and could get on an earlier flight if I needed to. 

When we got home the girls put on the movie Super 8 to watch while I strung the lights on the tree and ran out for Chinese food. 

As they ate and watched the movie I went through the boxes of decorations. I felt a huge lump in my throat as I came across some of the decorations my mom had given me over the years. The one for Danny and I – Our First Christmas Together, the ones for Baby’s first Christmas for both of the boys, Our First Home one shaped like a house… So many lovely memories. But also some pain. 

I went back to finish putting the ribbon on the tree so the girls could start decorating and the movie was wrapping up.  A poignant moment of dialogue in the movie made me pause and listen. The teenage boy (the leading actor) was trying to reason with the scary but sensitive alien monster who was taking out his pain on the earthlings (I know – crazy right?) …but listen…this is what he said:

“Bad things happen, But you can still live”. 

That line pierced through my heart. 

A few minutes later my sister texted me and said, “Just read Psalm 27:13 and thought of you.”. It was the verse that God gave to me at my lowest point after my mom’s accident twenty years ago. It has become my life-song.  It says,

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.     (NAS)

God was reminding me once again. That promise was true. I have seen so much of the goodness of God in this land of the living in these past twenty years. 

And that promise is still true today.  We need to make a conscious choice to BELIEVE it. This life brings pain but it also brings joy if we allow it to. 

This is a tough season for many but there is joy to be had and hope to hold on to. 

My mom pulled through her surgery and is doing well and is in good spirits. 

Sorry this is so long but I am on a plane with nothing to do but think and write. ( I have finished flipping through the latest edition of InStyle magazine!)

In a few minutes I’ll head to the same hospital she was in 20 years ago only this time with the wisdom of past experience to know that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Whatever you may be going through this season I pray that you hold onto that hope too…

Yes, bad things happen. But you CAN still live!

Love and peace to you and yours…may your day be merry and bright xo


My kids tease me and say that I have a song for every situation.  I’m realizing as I continue this blogging thing that they are right.  Music is probably my greatest source of inspiration so I guess that makes sense. So, this time it’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go” by The Clash.  Side note: that song was released in 1981- I can’t believe it’s 30 years old! 

I have found myself in this place time and time again throughout life.  Where I feel (that word right there will get you in trouble most of the time) that it’s time to move on but something is just not quite clicking.  It’s like I know there is something out there but it’s accompanied by this feeling of unrest.  I have this sense that there is something more to be had or to be done…something out there that I should be pursuing but I’m not quite sure what.  Other times I have known exactly where I wanted to go or at least where I believed I should be going but something was stopping me from making the move.  The doors were just not opening as I had hoped.  And so many, many times I have found myself asking this question, “Should I stay or should I go?”

Last night I was reading Genesis 26.  The chapter opens up with Isaac getting ready to move to Egypt. The land he was living in was experiencing a famine and history tells us that at the same time Egypt was prospering with plenty of water flowing from the Nile and no signs of famine.  I probably would have been anxious to move there too if I was him!  Feast or famine?  No brainer right? Sometimes that place you are just itching to move to looks SO much better than where you are right now.  But here is what God spoke to him and I knew He was whispering it to me last night.  He said, “Do not go down to Egypt; live in the land where I tell you to live. Stay in this land for a while and I will be with you and will bless you.”  God knew that eventually it would be time for Isaac to move on and that there was great blessing in store for him but it was not time yet. 

So the question becomes what do we do in the meantime?  We are not being released to move on so what do we do?  I know what I do a lot of the time.  I pout.  I do the bare minimum where I am.  I stay but I’m not happy about it.  I resist putting down roots of any kind because in my mind my bags are already packed.  But that’s not what Isaac did.  And by the way – in verse 8 it tells us that he was there for a LONG time!

Here’s what Isaac did.

He planted crops.

Maybe this is where the expression “bloom where you’re planted” comes from.

He planted crops and in that same year reaped a HUNDREDFOLD. God blessed him for listening and not pushing forward before it was time.  The story goes on to say that he became very rich and his wealth continued to grow until he was very wealthy! Pretty good stuff.

As I read this passage last night God really spoke to me personally but this morning as I was praying I just felt that this was a word for someone else too.

Is there somewhere you’d rather be but God is telling you to stay in the land that you’re in for a while? Be encouraged today that He is with you and He WILL bless you! That’s one of the things I love most about Him ~ He is faithful to deliver on His promises.

Feel free to leave a comment…it would encourage me to know that I am not the only one that thinks the grass is greener on the other side at times 😉

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I always feel the same way this time of the year just before school starts up again.  As summer nears the end I am painfully aware of how unraveled my life has become.  Any semblance of schedule and order in my life has gone completely out the window.  I sleep in because I can which sets me back time-wise, then I don’t get as much work done as I should. I skip exercising because we are busy doing fun things and I eat bad things when we do fun things. My house is messier because we’re on the go a lot and the list goes on.  We definitely have fun in the summer!  We go on vacation, hit the beach and the theme parks. But all of those good things can be distractions to every day life.  And pretty much every summer I end up off course!  
This can happen so easily in any area of life…home, school, work, ministry.
I know that just in the past three years since FTGI began we have experienced the need for some course correction as an organization.  At times we’ve gotten distracted and started down a road that has taken us off the main path.  It’s important to realize that not all distractions are bad in and of themselves.   Sometimes we are taken off course without realizing it because the distraction appears to be a “good” thing.  We have learned the hard way that good things can take your focus off the main thing. (And that’s not usually a good thing!) 
But remember – it’s NEVER too late to correct your course. I came across this definition of course correction as related to a spacecraft and I loved it!
Course Correction
When a spacecraft gets off of its trajectory, or path through space, it must be put back on the right path. The location of the spacecraft is determined and its course vector (the speed and direction of its flight) is calculated. This is compared with the path it should be on. A new vector is computed that will put it back on course. The ship’s attitude thrusters aim the ship and the main thruster pushes it along the path.
Isn’t that great? The right attitude thruster will aim your “ship” in the right direction.  Don’t beat yourself up because you’ve gotten off course. Give yourself a little pep talk and let that attitude thrust you back in the right direction. Chuck Swindoll writes in his book Strengthening Your Grip, “Attitude is that ‘single string’ that keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.”
Once your attitude has got you aiming in the right direction it’s time to revisit what your “main thing” is.  This is certainly not a new concept and sounds too simple but it is so true.  We need to work hard to “keep the main thing the main thing.”  Protecting your main thruster, whatever that is, will push you along the right path and cause you to soar higher than you ever imagined!!  
And for those of you have gotten so off course that you feel like you don’t even know where you’re going – do not despair.  God has got it all mapped out.  He will direct your paths.  Remember that His word is a lamp to your feet and a light to your path. (Psalm 119:105) And if you stop long enough to listen God promises that:
Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left.
Isaiah 30:21 (NLT)

For 26 years Danny and I have had an unspoken deal.  The inside of the house is my responsibility for the most part and the outside is his.  So the general upkeep of the yard, care of the pool (when we had one), taking out of the garbage…all his.  The great part of the deal is that he has always helped me inside with the general upkeep of the inside household stuff too.  I, however, have never really helped him outside except to follow him around talking at him while he gardened or cleaned the pool.  He loves that 😉 He has tried to get me to help but it’s never worked.

But recently something changed.  I was outside on my porch and I noticed a bunch of weeds in my garden and without really thinking about it I went down and started pulling them out.  I was getting so much satisfaction from seeing it all cleaned up that before I knew it I was out there for over a hour.  

While I was out there Danny brought me a glass of iced tea. A few minutes later he brought me out some gardening gloves and cute little shovel to help with the tough weeds.  The next thing I know he had brought the ipod outside and he was playing music for me – all my favorites. After he brought out a kneeling pad so I wouldn’t hurt my knees I realized why he was being so attentive!  Poor guy…he’s waiting 26 years for this! He told me he wanted to encourage this behavior!!

Anyway, a strange thing happened after that day.  Every time I walk up my walkway now I notice the state of my garden.   It’s like a light went on.  One day recently I noticed a vast difference between two of the same plants that I have on either side of my walkway.   One of them was noticeably thriving while the other paled in comparison. When I looked closely at the leaves of the struggling plant I saw that there were holes all over them.  I went inside to “google” the possible causes of these holes and discovered that most likely caterpillars were eating them.  What I read jumped out at me. 

The article stated that while this particular plant is under attack it will stop flowering. 

I realized immediately that the reason the plant looked so pale in comparison to the other one is that the flowers had closed up and no new flowers had sprouted.

As soon as I read that I recognized a parallel to my own life. When I am under attack whether it be flesh and blood or the enemy of my mind and soul – I stop flowering.  Creativity shuts down.  I want to withdraw and hide.  My confidence is ebbed away at and I begin to wilt.  It doesn’t usually happen overnight either.  My plant did not get invaded overnight.  One caterpillar crawled up and began chewing away…one self-deprecating thought enters my mind and starts to eat away at my confidence. Then another caterpillar came and joined in…I begin comparing myself to someone else that I think has it all together.  Before I even had a chance to notice there was a caterpillar feast going on in my front yard…  Before I know it I am being bombarded by thoughts of inadequacy and self-doubt.  Something has to be done – it’s called pesticide!!

As soon as I was onto the caterpillar caper I pulled out the arsenal.  I sprayed the plant and within minutes the caterpillars were curling up and dropping off!  What amazed me was that within just a few days I noticed a huge difference in the appearance of the plant and I was thrilled to see little flowers sprouting all over it again.  All it took was me realizing that the attack was underway and then pulling out what I needed to put an end to it.

You may be under attack by flesh and blood in which case I don’t recommend dousing them with pesticide (although that may sound like a good idea to you right now.) Or your attack may be in your mind and spirit but either way you must remember this – our battle is not against flesh and blood.  Your adversary (the stinkin’ devil) works very hard to stop you from flowering.  It’s his full time job. You and only you must be diligent about tending the garden of your mind and heart.  And by the way as soon as I got rid of the caterpillars a few weeks later I noticed these little teensy tiny bugs on the leaves – all over the same plant! But I am ON IT.  I am more determined than ever to keep this pretty plant flowering!

2 Corinthians 2: 3-5
It is true that we live in the world, but we do not fight from worldly motives. The weapons we use in our fight are not the world’s weapons but God’s powerful weapons, which we use to destroy strongholds. We destroy false arguments; we pull down every proud obstacle that is raised against the knowledge of God; we take every thought captive and make it obey Christ.

That’s your pesticide. I want to encourage you to be an attentive gardener of your mind. Be on alert for those destructive thoughts that creep in and take them captive. Pull out the arsenal when you need to and blast them!!

I want to see you flourishing ~ hearty and healthy ~ bursting with flowers!!!

A few months ago I had a really bizarre dream. That is not abnormal for me. I have a lot of dreams. Crazy dreams. Sometimes it’s just because I ate Mexican food the night before but sometimes…occasionally I will wake up from a crazy dream and it will stay with me through the day. And sometimes for days after. When that happens I start to analyze it and wonder if there is some message in it for me. I believe that God speaks to us in all kinds of ways and for me on many occasions it’s through my dreams.

So a few months ago I was dreaming that I was sleeping in my bed. Have you got that? In my dream, I was asleep in my bed. All of the sudden I was woken up by my cell phone ringing. Bleary eyed, I reached for my phone and flipped it open to see who was calling. What I saw startled me. Where the name or number of the person calling me would normally be was the word ANGRY. Angry was calling me?! I was so puzzled in my dream and I said out loud, “Why is Angry calling me?” Then I woke up.
I told Danny and we laughed about it. But it wouldn’t go away. All day I had this nagging feeling. That afternoon Danny was taking me to the beach for an overnight stay to celebrate my birthday. We went on the motorcycle. I always feel so free on the back of his bike with the wind in our faces and the sun on our shoulders but this time I was disturbed. Why was angry calling me? That’s when I started to realize that this was more than just a silly dream.
I started to pray as we drove. I asked God to show me if I was angry. I didn’t think I was angry. If you asked me the day before if I was angry about anything I would have said no. But when I started to really peel back what had been going on inside of me for the past few months I had a revelation. I realized that some hurts that I had recently endured and some disappointments that had recently come my way and some circumstances that I had no control over that I wanted to make better but couldn’t, were beginning to eat at me and were making me – yep – ANGRY. Not throw things across the room angry (not that I’ve ever done that 😉 ) or yell and stomp my feet angry. Just a simmering anger that things were not the way I wanted them to be.
Since I believe that God is the one that can make all things better and they weren’t better I realized that if I was angry then I was angry at Him. Why had He allowed these things to happen? I did not see how any good could come from them. But I know better than that. That’s when I realized that I had some letting go to do. Walking down the beach that afternoon I let go. Let go of the disappointment, let go of the hurt…let go of the anger and gave way to trust. Trust that God had a plan in all of it.
I called a friend who is further along in the ministry journey than I am and she had some words of wisdom for me. She said, “Tracey I believe that God is showing you a tendency that you have. He is showing you that when people disappoint or hurt you or things don’t turn out the way you want them to, even after you think you are on the other side of it, the residual effect for you is that you tend to get angry. So here’s what you need to do. Now that you know, when you see on that caller id. that Angry is calling you, you need to let it go straight to voicemail. Let the message say, “I’m sorry Tracey is not available to take that call right now…or ever.”
Angry may not be calling you but maybe something else is. Maybe Insecurity calls you every morning. Maybe Fear or Doubt or Guilt calls you on a regular basis. We have to realize that we have a choice whether or not to take that call.
Philippians 4:8
For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
Amplified Bible (AMP)